i must not let the stress get to me.

arghhhh but i just cant help feeling so pent up inside tt its virtually possible i might just explode and die.

well but i think hope i've covered quite a lot these few days for dev psy.. just 2 more (albeit rather long) chapters to go plus some (omg VERY LONG) journal articles to go thru.. and im done. hurr but im not vry sure how much of those 7chapters will continue to reside in my little head at least until next wed.. ok xinyi. hope for the best. do more good deeds, accumulate more good karma and voila! an A! :D

(that, is overoptimism, i suppose)

on a happier note, i've just been informed i dun haf to go sch tmr so YAY i can slp in a bit although as usual i still haf tons to do but, at least i dun haf to waste travelling time etc. and i think played a tiny bit better today as compared to ytd's prac which was almost horrific cos my intonation sucked lke shit! well not tt it was heavenly today but it was "better". somehow. ohwells. i hope sat'll be good! :))

alright der's a vry strong and urgent need for me to start on my grade5. NOW. >=( off i go.

scream

i nid to learn how to open up.
nid to find a way to let my emotions get thru.
nid to find a way to shout it all out and get everything off my chest.
its stifling.

and it all boils down to... arghhhh NVM.

its just tt i've been getting "sian-ed" much more frequently recently and im reli sick of it... trying my best to incline myslf back towards de all-smiles end of de emotional scale but according to recent feedback, my attempt failed =/ wad in de world is wrong with me?!!

rahhhhh.
i dun like this.

******
im a super blogger.

i noe i've been updating super frequently in the past 48hours. woots. if only i'll commit as much "effort" to my studying... bet i'll ace my coming quizzes! and with flying colors!! wahahaha but.. i also bet tt it wont happen so u can just nullify the first bet..

anws, as u can tell, its gonna be another very random post. many things running thru my mind. very disorganised indeed. and perhaps self-centred too.

******
listening to toumei ningen lifts my mood a whole lot.
i love its cute like-a-small-boy-cheekily-sneaking-up-on-u intro.
i love its lyrics. de first sentence is alr ^^ enuff :))
boku wa toumei ningen sa~~

most impt of all, its shiina ringo. and its tokyo jihen. i just cant get enuff of their music :)

******
food for thought: tcc's marble cheesecake. yummies :P

******
okayyyyyyy dumbass hp203 proj discussion is SO not helping in easing the sian-ness. this SUCKS >=(

band was ok today. rehearsed thru 1st half of concert and it was rather tiring. i hope we can pull thru de whole repertoire of 11 pieces on sat w/o collapsing halfway and dying right on the spot..

alright tt was an extremity. a near impossible one. so dun worry folks! wont happen on concert day :)

still got lotsa things to do.. trying to prioritise but tt'll be lke prioritising my priorities!! arghhhh im driven mad (note the tense). so much for recess week. hais i just nid to pull thru this again..

yes. i'll make it!! humans dun die so easily rite? :]


came across this msg tt my mom sent vry vry long ago.. just thought i'll share it :)


人在成长的过程中,

难免遇挫折，

懂得保护自己

也要懂得爱自己

生命的乐章看你如何谱写

躲避不一定躲得过

面对不一定最难受

得到不一定能长久

失去不一定不再有

转身不一定最软弱

别急着说别无选择,

别以为世上只有对于错

许多事情答案不只一个

所以我们永远有路可以走

你能找到理由难过

也一定能找到快乐

懂得放心的人找到轻松

懂得遗忘的人找到自由

懂得关怀的人找到陪伴


some food for thought maybe? :)
ok. back to my studies!


this is coming in super late cos i kept pushing off uploading pics from my hp.. but as u noe, always late but worth de wait lah (har har =p)

skyler's


the mini marshall stack andrew bought. no its not a toy. IT REALLY WORKS. lolll. damn cute can =P


flashback of us squeezing into the back of ht's car. no is not de car small; is jarvis big. =PpP he looks so "bei can" lah!! lols. can see how squashed he is hor? =P


the wonderfully cut bday cake of yirun's.


tsk tsk. lotsa room for improvement. lol


and the eggyolk-like thingy. (its NOT eggyolk. lol)


ntusb's


ban lak!!!!! haa were playing blackjack after band and before celebrating tung hoe's bday.. think the cards are normal??? think again....


(compare the size of de cards to the slippers and our hands.. SUPER big can!! lol. credits to victor~)

random:


"huh...?"


*sleeps back* lol


applicable to urs truly. yes yes. ^^

******
FINALLY watched kungfu dunk! hurr have been putting it off since before it started up til now.. lols. de storyline was kinda anyhow-ed but de bball scenes are very exciting!! :D makes me feel lke playing bball~~~ hahaahah okok for de sake of good pls dun imagine tt and laugh ur ass off.. lols. and de stupid "toufu toufu kungfu kungfu" song keeps looping in my head after de movie lah!! so alike chipmunks. hahah well at least its not looping anymore so tts gd =P i bet monster has de mp3. hahha maybe i'll get it from her someday :]

din eat a lot for dinner so went to subway to eat again after movie.. ok lah tts not de real reason. truth is some buta was hungry AGAIN after de short 1+hr movie.. tsk tsk. cfm fat de loh! xP hahaha anw, had my 3-inch sandwich (yeah 3-inch. apparently de sandwich-person was O.o too when we requested to halve de 6-inch. lol) and a vry-unhealthy-but-vry-yummy pack of chips which has a high chance of rendering all medicine i took this morning wasted. hehhh but i still hope it doesnt get too bad! yi du gong du sometimes will work rite... =x

ok one movie down. lots more to go!!! next up's... L??? :D


photos from ytd!! :D


i thought this pic was too sweet. so we took another less diabetic photo. lols


golden smiles~!! plus a bit of motion blur lehhs. lol


ahgold, ahgold, and ahgold-in-law! :)) and i realised gold-in-law has achmed eyebrows!!! look at this:



same eyebrows rite!!! LOLL =P

******
mothers luurrve to force their children to go see doc huh.. felt so =x when i stepped into the clinic and saw everyone being a lot more sick den i am and realising tt im acheli wasting de doc's time -.- well anyhoo, got my med, made my mom happy, and hopefully i'll get better by tonite. cant afford to fall sick now!!


another happy day cos it was so brightened up by de so bright so bright ahgold of mine!! :D:D

come to think of it, we've been using tt nick name for almost 3 years!!! zomg. since 050505.... lols. its ok. i love ahgold :D

woke up with a stupid flu and it very "incredibly" lasted thru de whole of band practice today.. arghhhh so difficult to breathe at times can. lol. went to meet ahgold and ken after tt at town for dinner and to get my court shoes! :D so super long nv see them lahhhh. ha ok i just saw ahgold ytd during breakfast but, duno why i cant reli rmbr =x help im turning into a goldfish! ahhhhhhh!!!!!!!!

=X

annnnnd we cldnt find a nice good one at ps so went to og instead.. and yay finally got a nice comfy pair! i hope it'll stay comfy for as long as de sun remains our star~~ lol ok so astro nowadays =P well anyhoo, lamed and laughed a lot with the 2 of dem~~ lols yup so today was a vry vry happy day! :D must go out shop again soon k ahgold!!! =P

******
haaa im supposed to do some sch stuff tonite if not no time... BUT i went to learn jusui negai instead =x ok my bad my bad! just cldnt resist larrrr. so long nv sing alr leh!!! x( which makes me conclude tt i really nid to go kbox!!! kakis.. where are you???? :(

and i realised EVERYONE'S like playing mahjong today lohh!! my frens are playing.. my mom went over to her fren's hse to play (and abandoned me at home! :(() AND ppl in de adjacent block are also playing cos i can hear de mahjong sounds very clearly!! arghhhh. and im at home. ALONE. puuis. x(

alright guilt's getting to me. xinyi, stop procrastinating!!


saw this girl donned in clubbing wear at de bus stop and sudd felt lke clubbing =P

and cecilia was just asking me last week when we're going clubbing again. which made me realised i've totally forgot abt such a thing called "clubbing". lols.. to think i was so high abt it months ago. hurr think im reli occupied enuff now huh =x

well anyhoo din manage to club today cos pw and gina cant. :( well nvm. i shld reli stay at home and start clearing my huge pile of work cos next week's predictably gone from concert preparations and i haf many many tests and deadlines to meet de week after. hurr yes see this face --> x_x

anyhoo, hw111 tut today was enjoyable :)) really!! haha tt kenneth ong is reli quite lol.. shared his exp as a pri sch tr and all de !@#%$& tt comes along with it. haha so now we noe de behind-the-scenes for sch systems and moe... shhh confidential. haha =P

and of cos, my evening was very much brightened up by tuition. ha rather ironic huh seeing as i've had a rather long day.. albeit of stoning slacking sleeping and sitting =x but my tutee is reli cute enuff to "throw all my troubles away"!! lols. and it feels gd to see him improving a bit. a very tiny bit. hahah =P

right so its been a pleasant happy day :) supposed to get a sheet music stand from yamaha sale today but according to yirun they're gone by de time he went in so.. ohwells nvm. haa and speaking of music, i have yet to start on my grade5 OH GOD PLEASE BLESS US ALOT ALOT ALOT. arigato gozaimashita, kamisama. *bows*

and... im off.


everything seems to be going downhill.. :((( i dun like to feel this way. i wan things to go back to the state they were in.. just 2 weeks ago. many qns, and ans are just being speculated; i duno how much truth there is in them. but then again, im not sure whether i reli wan to noe the truth.. becos im afraid it might just turn out to be de exact opp of how i hope things will be like..

de background melodramatic music from the tv is so not helping.


oh and..

happy birthday yirun!!!!

dun be sad tt u left "1" behind.. EMBRACE THE "2" OK!!! lols =P cheers~


siaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan-ed.

always ranting, but nth's happening.

sch sux cos i duno how to even start my blardy resume and i gotta miss half my fav lect (i mean, really) tmr so i can make it for the make-up tut for my resume writing. doesnt help tt i haf a strong feeling i wont gain too much enlightenment from de makeup tut which renders missing my fav lect redundant. arghh. the woes of a psy student.

ok de last sentence is totally no link, i noe.

anw, tutored my new student today! and he was prolly one of de best students i've ever had (not that i had lots before lah). for one thing, he's uber uber C-U-T-E!!! lke omg i see him and de 1st impression formed was alr so strong. lols and as everyone noes, once u're cute everything else is ok. hahaahahhahaah =P but he's reli vry guai!! lke SO opp of my other student can. hahaah sudd find teaching so easy =P but anw its still a super big bonus tt he's so cute. lke totally cartoon-drawn!! xD AND another bonus is tt de parent seems reli nice. yays good i hope things will go smoothly for this :))

******
im trying vry hard to think of happy things alr. but im STILL feeling sian. arghhh. the woes.. begone!!


head pain head pain head pain!! and de discomfort in my stomach isnt helping my concentration either..

stupid irritating hp203!! horrible terrible vegetable!!! grr i hope i can finish reading it by tonite.. if not tmr gotta crawl up early and read -.-" big nono.

had jamming on fri. hurr was vry torn btwn having it on fri/sun cos of de stupid test on mon.. well anyhoo decided to put it on fri in de end. celebrated yirun's bday after jamming! went to holland v and ate at nydc (duno why but de stuff werent vry nice tt nite =x). outside food werent allowed so we went to sit at de nearby hawker centre to haf de bday cake instead. lols. kinda sad also cos der werent any plates and stuff so we had to use tissue :( but nvm lah it was still quite ok (i hope. lol)

okayy so another fella turned turning 20. all in all, i celebrated 4 bdays this week alone (sun: jocelyn. mon: simin. fri: yirun. sat: tung hoe), sang "happy birthday" at least 4 times, ate 3 very sinful, very fattening, but very yummy bday cakes, and got fat again =/ wad a bday week huh.. feb seems to be a reli gd mth to haf children hor?

*crap my stomach's feeling worse..

hopefully this coming week will be less stressful. after mon at least. but i still gotta churn out my dear resume BY FRIDAY and swallow down all de italian and french names for music theory BY TUES =| but i'll definitely squeeze out a day for hibernation cos i reli nid my slp back. turning into panda liaooo..

ok i shall stop slacking. back to social psy!


((:

appreciate the efforts put in for the flowers! :) i reli hope they'll last a few more days. de weather's so darn hot. grrr.

******
unknown.

the jumper. the "pork chop". and the "cinderella".


will blog it down while its still fresh in my mind.

he spoke bird again.

i just wish tt next time if i ask of any favour from him and he doesnt like it, he'll just reject doing it. instead of going ahead with it and grumble grumble grumble non-stop abt why i put him in sucha disadvantageous situation and it becomes my fault again at de end of de day.

he's unhappy tt band ends so late and he gotta drive me back. firstly, i'll like to reiterate that u dun haf to if it makes u so unhappy. this is a democratic country. u haf de right to say no. and i will of cos just take it as it is and "in my stride". anw even if im reli upset i also cant do anythng rite? still gotta find some way to get home rite?? so, just tell me u're not free next time! >=(

u say im always "hanging out til wee hours every nite having fun and not knowing how to go home early and be a gd girl". OII. i noe this is not true for de hols but it IS true tt de reason i go home late is for "formal" stuff and not wad u'll define as fun. esp for this irritating sem. i dun even get to shop til late hrs :(

u said tt since i lurrrve band so much i shld just quit my studies and conc fully on band. dun waste de money and time studying psy. dun waste my time having to prac til so late so many days a week and dun nid to trouble him. best still, go out work and stop everything.

with regards to the last sentence, fuck lah.

and to de rest of tt paragraph, i wish i can do tt too. i dun nid u to tell me tt. if im qualified to take music at tertiary level i wld've taken long ago and "stop bothering u". but who do i thank for not giving me de chance to build my music background when i was young?

im tired. too tired to even feel upset at de words bombarded at me ever since i stepped into de car. too tired to retaliate and reason with him. as always. maybe im wrong, but i just feel tt he wont understand or take in wadever i say anw. becos he's SO narrow-mindedly locked up in his own little world filled only with him, his money, and the little devils, he will nv be able to empathise with anybody or even see things from a point of view other den his own. according to a psychology theorist, he's prob still stuck at some childhood stage and exhibiting egocentrism (the inability to see the world in anyone else's eyes but their own) so he OBVLY wont be able to see the situation objectively.

what a pity.

******
to de students out der, this is prob a stressful period for ALL of us. yes i mean all of us becos i see lots of u grumbling abt how many tests u haf in a few days and how late sch has been ending and how u still haf this "stupid" cca tts taking up hell lot of a time and how u STILL haf this this this to do when u get home et cetra, et cetra, et cetra.

lemmi tell u a secret. im going thru this shit too. im not pinpointing anybody (der's A LOT if i want to pinpoint but let me clarify tt im not. so..) nor am i trying to shoot someone off here. im just telling "you". welcome to de world if stresses where e-v-e-r-y-o-n-e else is experiencing the stress. not only you. dun vent ur emotions on someone who's not going ur way in de littlest bit just becos u think u're "very very stressed so im "bigger" so i can scold u but its not my fault in de end cos i was just snapping at u out of pique". NO SUCH THING OK. u're not in a gd mood, im not in a gd mood, so if you start pissing me off with tt attitude, it pisses me off too and WHAM der goes lotsa minuses in our frenship (if u play "The Sims" u'll know what i mean).

i reli do hope all our stresses will be gone soon so we can all be happier ppl and stop de vulgarity outbreaks (ref to me) and of cos, not risk any damage to de relationships tt matter to us the most. may all ur to-do lists be cleared reli quickly (of cos, u haf to do sth. they wont vanish by themselves!) and lotsa luck for ur tests :)

thats all for today.


i won my first 38bucks today!!! i noe its not that much but its one of de better winnings this year :D past 2 days have been spent betting reli small bets cos i din bring much out so i've had enuff of winning too many peanuts. brought out quite a lot of my angbao money today to my cousin's and finally placed $2 $4 bets which gave me a-lot-bigger winnings. i loved it when i gor leng-ed for 4bucks xD poor ken (cousin) though. he lost de whole stack of $2 dollars he brought out =x like, totally. lol but he's rich lah so i guess its nth =P

many ppl left so went to devil's hse to gather with her, monster and yihui. watched a bit of tv while pondering where to haf dinner at.. and finally decided to eat at waraku -

OH I FINALLY FOUND SAKURAYA!!!!!!!!! it was like just arnd de corner at pasir panjang.. OMGGGG so near my hse so good!!! wahahahaha its de next restaurant on my list of to-dine-at-when-im-rich restaurants. yeppie tt "discovery" reli made my day =D

oh and speaking of sakuraya, had a WHOLE LOT of sashimi today. sharon (cousin-in-law) bought 2 huge plates of swordfish sashimi back =/ and being disappointed tt der wasnt any salmon sashimi, i went to sakuraya with ken to get some =P heeeee finally got to eat salmon sashimi!!! im SO blessed :)))) and ken's audi is reli nice. vry spacious. lol =P

ok back to waraku.

had a vry satisfying meal!!!!! heee and de waitress's service was vry good :) she even served us drinks while we're waiting outside! =))) well anw, was reli bloated after de meal so went to "chun dao he pan" to walk walk.. hurrr de walk to tt place was long enuff to digest everything lah! lol but anw, took some photos der and had our palms "read" (by a comp -__-") for 2bucks. purely for entertainment's sake. lol

and of cos, de walk back to de carpark was also VERY LONG... haaaaaa ok im reli tired. slping.


Kelly Clarkson - Because of You

I will not make the same mistakes that you did
I will not let myself
Cause my heart so much misery
I will not break the way you did,
You fell so hard
I've learned the hard way
To never let it get that far

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid

I lose my way
And it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry
Because I know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake
A smile, a laugh everyday of my life
My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid

I watched you die
I heard you cry every night in your sleep
I was so young
You should have known better than to lean on me
You never thought of anyone else
You just saw your pain
And now I cry in the middle of the night
For the same damn thing

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I try my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you
I don't know how to let anyone else in
Because of you
I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty
Because of you
I am afraid

Because of you
Because of you

******
and thats a song tt relates to me so much i felt the goosebumps everytime i listen to it. esp with that powerful voice of kelly clarkson. it tells a story quite heartfelt to me.. well anyhoo she's a really great singer :]

suddenly felt like listening to oldies! but cldnt find de few which i haf heard before and liked but cant rmbr de titles :(

and the new list:

kelly clarkson's because of you -
see 1st line.

kelly clarkson's a moment like this -
an all-time favourite :)

shaka labbits' that thing you do -
mastering in process.. lol.

x japan's i.v. -
have yet to love the whole song. but alr loving the chorus :] esp the last part with only piano accompaniment :]

******
have been slacking the whole day!! SHIT!!!! !@$%#$^$%&@

thnx to some bad influence who told me studying during cny will make me SUAY FOR 100YEARS >=(

hahaha no lah it wasnt cos of tt. but reli vry sian larhhhhh!!!!! arghhhhhhhhh. ok im seriously lacking in self-discipline. maybe i shld make some new year resolutions although its super late. lol.

and im sudd craving for kbox!!!!! listened to a few chi songs today and felt myslf moving back towards de pop side again. lol.. but im seriously craving to sing some chi songs!!! anybody out der.. if u wan kbox can jio me!!! =P

kk guilt's getting to me and my lecture notes are calling. im out.


cny is SO boring.

'snot lke i get to reli celebrate it this year but it was boring like omgly b-o-r-i-n-g. went to my aunt's hse in de noon for lunch and lotsa slacking which includes tv, "gossiping" (im just the listener), snacking, and a lot of poker.

speaking of gossip, i duno wad my mom told my aunt and my cousin while they're eating tt made my cousin call out to me to go over. but de reason was crystal clear like 1second after when my cousin pulled my arm a-bit-too-nicely and said "eh eh lai wo jie shao you qian ren gei ni.. *eyebrow smiley*" ZZZ!!!! haa obvly i "no"-ed her and walked back to the sofa to cont enjoying the broadcast of "twister".

started off with 3-person daidee and kns i din even win 1 game can!!! my "rat" cousin was lke winning the whole pool of money lohhh>=( but ban lak saved the day!! :D at least i had some ban laks and ngoh lengs and ban ban lohhh =P

uncle drove us to my mom's fren's place at boon lay after tt.. hehh prob one of de EXTREMELY few places for me to receive angbao this year. and it was also one of the extremely boring places to be in during cny (for me) cos der's practically NOTHING except tv, tv, tv, and de sound noise of mahjong tiles clapping each other from 3 tables in de living room and 2 in de bedrooms. its lke some gambling den alr can. lol. anyhoo, seeked "refuge" in my fren's room and we just watched tv der. its more peaceful and at least de tv's audible.

BUT ch5 got reli boring after harry potter 1 and american idol auditions so switched arnd until we finally settled at a kinda-retarded japanese anime on arts central. which got TOO boring so we watched the news instead and awaited the following very-retro movie almost enthusiastically.

finally home now and it seriously nv felt better!! at least i get to choose to go online and chat or slp very comfortably =]

******
cny eve was almost spoiled cos of the VERY IRRITATING hp203 report >=( arghhh. supposed to start on it ytd nite but BAHHH heck lah its CHINESE NEW YEAR!!! i felt so festive by midnite tt everything just seemed to be possible. even pushing the report to monday and still being able to complete it on time! :D

ok i will pray for the best.

de best thing was.... my mom cooked!!!!!!! ha she hadnt cooked for SOO long tt "cooking" kinda became part of the "history" chapter in the family. but anyhoo, i love de food mann. super nice!! yum yum =P esp the abalone!!!! *thumbs up*

was extremely nwah after dinner. haa i was lke sitting in a super comfortable position on de sofa and watching de cny show (though it wasnt reli interesting) so happily tt i rejected all events tt required me to move or even leave tt position =P pig out!!!!!

guess everyone got quite festive towards midnite! hahaa wad with all de very-high greetings and background cny songs from de tv.. cfm will festive loh!! =P ok lahhh me oni me oni. haha den simin sudd called me at 1+am and asked whether i wanna go wcp play sparklers.. LOL. like, wcp at sucha "unearthly" hour??? hahaha =P but i havent seen dem for vry long and it doesnt seem lke der'll be a better reason to play with sparklers in de whole year so i just went =P they vry fast loh. reached my carpark in lke 3mins!!! hahaha no its not magic. simin stays super near me =P

de wind was so uber strong at wcp tt we kinda gave up lighting de sparklers after all of dem went out in de 1st round. de lighter flame kept being extinguished and de blardy sparkler just wont light lahh! arghhhh. so we gave up and went to pasir panjang for prata supper =P at 3am!!!!! hurrrr spell FAT.

but it was nice lah :))) will be meeting them again whn we celebrate simin's 20th bday! lol she's de first in de grp to turn 20!!! and we like just celebrated yihui's 19th bday lahhh.. lol. ohwells lotsa bdays coming in feb and apparently all turning 20....

ok very random. im ko-ing le. ending here for tonite! =]

******
confusion?


joy :)))

******
finally some progress in social psy report 2! did de observational study today and val also sent me de report part.. yup we're almost done with it! yay we can all haf a happier cny :)

went to town with peiwen for a short while after sch! haha bought my shld-haf-gotten-v-long-ago moisturiser and ate ice cream at haagen dazs... super sinful!!! but super yummy too~! :D seeee it even rhymes~ =P hahaha ok me and my crap.

had family reunion dinner at jumbo seafood restaurant! so yum yummmm. haha all of a sudden i think de person i click best with is my cousin-in-law!!! he is like so same frequency lahhh. lols =P

and i had yet another super full reunion dinner!! (heh is tt like typical of reunion dinners?? cos de prev one i had with fluties seemed to be haf de ability to bao supper and nextdaybreakfast along with it also!) and i think i finally noe how to peel prawns PROPERLY like taking de whole shell out instead of plucking them out bit by bit. but i haf a good reason for this "delayed" skill ok!! well its not like i had a lot of practice peeling prawns previously becos im not a big fan of prawns.. but from now on if u wan eat i can peel for u!!!! i dun mind practising more :D

and had my fav chilli crab today!! soooo yummmyyyyy~~~~ lol. i love de fried buns tt come with it cos they go SUPERWELL like der's-nth-else-on-earth kinda "well" with the chilli crab sauce!! yummmmmmmmmmmmm. and of cos de pincer part!!! haaa i rmbr when i was young my dad likes to refer to tt part as "ice cream" for which i duno why. but anw, it was reli yummy!!! esp when my cousin offered to "crack" it open for me :D yay oni nid to eat!! wahahahaa =P

i bet it was a little harder for keith (cousin-in-law) to drive us back afterwards cos we're all so piled up on prawns, crabs and meat..

and in de car cyrena was saying tt she was super bloated and think she ate abt 5 pieces of crab which is lke almost equivalent to a whole crab alr!! den keith replied immediately with "u're full of crap!" lol so zzzzz rite (also an evidence for why i think he's in de same frequency as me :))

yupyup vry nice dinner and many laughs along de way! :] gonna go sch tmr for tut (!@#$%^&@#$!%$) during which we're gonna discuss our report again and hopefully finish up de thing so we can haf a reli happy cny. and aemi reunion lunch!! :D hee we better eat NICE food lohhh. =P


haven been studying for very long. since... wed? =x tt goes for flute and vocals and all other things as well... oh great. lotsa stuff to catch up on.

feeling super stoned now. supposed to discuss asg2 for social psy but its lke getting nowhere.. arghhhhhh why must cny be so din tei this time round >=(

maybe cos im tired now. feeling vry pessimistic abt sch!! din go for hp200 lect and tut and hw111 also... i hope i din miss a lot of stuff. esp for hw111 asg1!!! =/ and my music theory... omg. its alr "next week"!!!

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'nuff abt sch.

was super tired and chui after wake ytd.. hehh but still went for flute reunion dinner :D i was reli hungry for one thing, and its also a once-a-year thing so yah. had steamboat at tanjong katong!! yum yum. de tom yam was a lil too hot for me but i still enjoyed it. and de food was lke so free-flow lahhh. stupid weiseng ordered 3 plates of additional wanton loh! eat until siao. lol. basically we just ate non-stop for 3hrs+ and made our money's worth. spent a total of 30bucks each. quite worthy i'd say, considering de amt we ate =P

went for durian after tt! hehhhh reli super long nv eat loh! ohwells de durians werent de best but, we're not gourmets so its alright. haa watched wo cai at tung hoe's place which was kinda sian-ed (the standard drop a lot lohhh! >=() while eating durians and left after de show ended.. felicia fetched de westies back! haha so nice of her =] i was lke totally ko-ed in de car cos woke up at 530am de prev day =S was awake for lke 21hrs???? zomg.

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was so full from ytd's steamboat tt i din even awake from hunger (which i usually do if i sleep in). mom wanted to go find motorola ask abt her batt problem so went to town with her.. headed to ps and i guess she sudd felt rich cos we initially decided on eating in foodcourt but on passing by ichiban sushi, she just stopped and said "aiyah why not we eat this one instead". lols. and so we ate tt! :D and i haf no idea why i ordered de set meal which was kinda big when i wasnt feeling super hungry =x cldnt finish in de end (but of cos i swooped up all de salmon sashimi :D) and for once felt turned off by food. heh. de power of steamboat dinner. lols.

went shopping after tt and finally bought new clothes at ps! :D and my m)phosis slippers! yays so most of de stuff are finally settled :)

my acct sudd got a lot more money!!!! i reli duno why. haven check my dbs statement. heh. was lke, depositing early-angbao-money into my acct at ps den de receipt showed tt i got much more den wad i tot i had =x DUN ASK ME. I ALSO DUNO WHY. probably de balance from my TFL but anyhoo, just bought my mom a pair of shoes and a bag which she eyed in m)phosis while i was trying my slippers. lol.. super rare tt i got enuff money to treat her so yeah shall just splurge on her today :] i feel lke a vry kind angel alr HAHAHAHA =PpP

rushed off for jamming after tt. hehhhh jamming today kinda sucked cos of the room!! YES i insist its mainly due to de room which gave vry sucky sounds that demoralised all of us and made us play more shitily!! >=( can i insist on jamming in de suite room next time (unless for some special reason)?? i'd rather spend a bit more for a better sound den to scrimp those dollars and waste de whole 2hrs due to sucky jamming.

*ONE MAJOR SADDENING THING!! i realised one of my flute keys is LEAKING!!! ahhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!! now i cant play my Bb lohhhh. im SUPER DUPER SAD can!!! :(:(:(((((( i hope it can be fixed tmr.... sobs.

had dinner at vivo's carl's junior... HURRRRR needless to say, i obviously cldnt finish the HUMONGOUS burger. but it was more to eat-until-tired than eat-until-full lah. =x well anyhoo i din finish it. NO MORE CARL'S JUNIOR. its lke a torture to eat just ONE mouth of it >=(

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thanks for all de caring words my dear frens! :)) i noe der isnt anything much u guys can do cos its my family prob but still, it was nice to have all of u arnd me! haha im those "wake up and its a brand new day!" kinda person so im reli fine. thnx a lot!! ^^


i was still fine the whole day. until i stepped into his car and he started scolding.

i reli didnt noe tt he didnt noe grandma changed address long ago. i reli didnt. he said we're fond of keeping things from him, big and small, and he wasnt even informed of things such as a change in her address. he said. "u two are always secretive arnd me. i duno wads ur problem. this doesnt even feel like a family at all. ... go ask arnd and see if other daughters behave lke u do. ... all u ask from me is money. u dun even bother to call me for other things. ... u mother doesnt know how to think. so does u! i duno why im even bothering to bring u up til uni. ... its so hard to earn cab fares nowadays! u two duno tt at all and are always demanding so much from me. all u know is how to spend and enjoy urselves while i slog my life away. ... do i even get appreciated for all these? no! ..." and some other mean and hurtful things tt he said i cld also relay to her.

i was just beside him in the front seat. i din even cry at the funeral.

and she was lecturing me a few days ago.

"if u dun haf money, ask from ur father! im alr paying all the bills at home and he's not giving me anything. im working 7days a week. wad is it for?? just to make ends meet! its hard enuff squeezing allowance for myslf and u're still turning to me when he doesnt give u allowance. next time u nid anything, ask HIM. he's the richest. he just cant bear to part with the money. ... dun tell him tt u're giving tuition. if he noes u haf money he wont give u and u'll turn to me again. it'll be unfair to me!"

so i din tell him abt tt.

wad was i to do when i haf to satisfy both sides of the argument? one is telling me not to tell de other so many things becos he'll "calculate everything out" and will end up giving lesser allowance. another is telling me he doesnt understand why we must keep things from him.

one tells me money is reli hard to earn nowadays cos lesser ppl are taking cabs. he claims i do not know this but i do. its not even true tt i dun understand the situation and is still demanding more from him. i even told her tt he's not earning much nowadays when she told me to ask him for more money but she din seem to believe me and still held on to her stand tt he's just being stingy.

der was nth much for me to say when i was in de car. i haf the ans to all de qns he threw at me but they are also the things the other party doesnt want me to reveal. and de things he told me to tell her, i wont say becos it'll just make everything worse.

i hate being sandwiched in btwn both of them. and it isnt a plus to be an only child and having no one understand u in these circumstances. yeah so its unfair to both of them tt "we're secretive and not appreciative towards him" and "giving up more than she shld".. how abt all of it being unfair to me? why must i always be ur fax machine and pass msgs btwn de 2 of u even whn one of u is in de room and de other's in the living room? cant u just tell the other person directly so u can stop bothering me? yes im not working. but tt doesnt mean im totally free all de time to be ur 24/7 messenger! why dont u 2 just grow up for a while and TALK to each other??

the tears and emotion i felt were not of anger. they were of sadness. that i had to be accused of being secretive of things i wld prefer not to be secretive abt, and of my lack of understanding tt he's reli slogging it out. sometimes i wish they cld just take psychology with me.

i am able to empathise with both their situations but its useless becos they are not able to do so with each other.

i dun even feel lke staying in this family anymore. de communication breakdown btwn each of us is just so severe tt i haf reli NTH to say to them day-to-day and neither do i find any reason for me to talk abt my life's happenings or wadever events im involved in to them. the only reason i come home is becos its a place to rest after a long day out. der is nothing in this family.

a quote from george carlin:

"the planet's fine.
the people are fucked."

in the face of these circumstances, i concede.